One step at a time

I'll start out easily...

Peter's lost stuff
1. The red ball from his ball popper
2. The yellow-orange ball from his ball popper
3. The mechanic from his Little People parking garage
4. A yellow cloth diaper

Things on my mind for the week
1. Keeping things ordered and looking good at work while my co-worker/superior is in Ireland
2. Jogging and getting dinner ready tomorrow morning before work
3. Talking to my mom about Mother's Day
4. Making cookies (hopefully today)
5. Finishing off that bottle of V8 juice I finally opened last week
6. Finally making an appointment to go back to the eye doctor so I can tell him that yes, the contacts did work out and can I please have my prescription for them now even though it's over 4 months since I originally came in.
7. Put more music onto my iPhone
8. Have cheese and crackers ready for class on Tuesday night (*as a side note, I was just thinking about how fun it would be to use cookie cutters to make the cheese into cute shapes, this will surely bite me in the butt later when I'm not happy about all the time it takes, but if it works out I will try to post pics*)

Things I need to get done soon (and am ashamed that I haven't yet)
1. Write a will
2. Actually put Peter's money into an education account (so first I must research them)

Lists

Blogging isn't working for me, at least not at this time in my life. I don't have high expectations, but I am going to try making lists on here. It could be very boring for readers (if there are any), but I like lists and it is a way for me to both utilize the blog and hopefully make sense of day to day life and more.

List of lists (I'd like to make)

1. What I would like to improve on in daily life
2. Shows and movies I would like to see soon
3. Music to work out to
4. Things I'd like to accomplish in the year
5. Things I'd like to accomplish each month
6. Things I'd like to have Peter do
7. Ways that I'd like to improve my marriage
8. Things that are currently lost

That's all I'm going to do for now, if I continue to type it will be solely to avoid doing dishes... ok actually I am going to procrastinate, but only to list what's most important to get done today (I have two child related classes that will take my time from 4:15 to 8:15pm tonight and it's about 1pm now).

5/1/12
1. Dishes
2. Pack tomorrow's lunch
3. Get bike stuff ready (I'm going to try to bike to work tomorrow)
4. Pick out clothes for tomorrow (Peter and my clothes)
5. Note for Dave (about plan for tomorrow, dinner, etc.)
6. Diaper cleaning

Most exciting news received today (so far)
1. Dave has been offered a job at Deer River

Now it's really time for #1 on the 5/1/12 list.

6 months later...

I will keep this short and hopefully informative.

Peter is doing well, he's starting to walk, looks like a little monster of Frankenstein walk. Dave's doing well, has some of the usual frustrations with teaching. I'm doing well also, though I'm disappointed in my list of 30...

I still have a couple months left (a little less) and have accomplished some things.

Accomplished

1. mark down b-days on calendar (mixed results with acknowledging people, didn't get everyone)
2. plan a 1st b-day for Peter (successful, family affair)
3. ate dinner at the dining room table most nights
4. pay off the car
5. acquired one more house plant
6. mixed results with adding vegetables to diet
   
7. read 12 books
8. got Peter on a sleep schedule (not 100% perfect)
9. drinking water is good on days I work
10. went out to eat
11. saw g-ma a little more often
12. organized file cabinet
13. jumped off the mine dump cliff
14. took Peter swimming
15. took Peter sledding
16. made oreo cake
17. went canoeing
18. had a garage sale

Peter is awake now so I'll have to finish later, blogging just hasn't made any list of priorities for months.

it's been a long time, a really long time...

In the last couple of months I've looked at my email maybe once a week and generally only used the computer for work and filing for about 8 hours total. I feel sort of guilty about not updating the blog and not keeping up with much of anything. I have read about 5 books in that time and enjoyed that.
Peter became pretty sick in that time too. He had this never-ending cold that turned into pink eye and an ear infection by mid-April. He was treated but we ended up bringing him a couple more times in May and getting more drugs that seem to have helped him out. Now he's just a little "snarfy" in the mornings. I was starting to lose it a little while he was so sick, especially after taking him to the ER one evening and not really finding much to help (other than re-propping his crib so that he had better drainage). It's very difficult when you feel helpless to do anything for your little one.
Two of Peter's teeth have come in (although that contributed to his sick symptoms, it wasn't the sole cause) and he occasionally uses them to chomp Dave and I. My sister and brother-in-law's child had his first birthday already. We haven't traveled much in the last couple of months and it's been nice to lie low for a while. I started to bring Peter to story time at the library. I don't think he listens that well to the books, but he loves to see the other children. As of yesterday he started to roll over both ways frequently and without any problem. It seemed sort of sudden since he could do it for over a month but had trouble and didn't seem to care to do it much.
I just had a tooth taken out. All four of my wisdom teeth had been extracted when I was 20 but a year or two later another tooth could be seen on an x-ray high up in my gums. The tooth finally came down while I was pregnant and this week I had it removed because I couldn't really brush it adequately and figured it should come out sooner than later. I sort of forgot what it was like having teeth pulled and found the experience to be a little frightening just because it seemed like more pressure and work (on the dentist's part) than anticipated. The tooth just had one fat root and looks like a small molar.
Dave had a band concert the same day I had my tooth pulled, originally I was possibly going to help out the 9th grade flute players by playing along on "Stars and Stripes Forever." Dave ended up pulling the piece (probably to be played next year) which was fortunate for me since I didn't really think through the recovery of the gum and how it would affect my playing. The concert was good and many people in the district very much appreciate Dave, very important in a small school where music could be cut in a pinch. Dave only has one week of school with students left, soon he will be Peter's caretaker two days a week and we will bring Peter to his regular provider once a week. I wanted him to have at least a little consistency with the daycare since he will go back 3 days a week in September and I believe his psychological maturity in the next few months may make it a rougher transition if he were to go 3 months without seeing anyone at daycare and then be thrown back into it half the week.
As I probably could have guessed, my more concrete goals on the list of 30 are being accomplished pretty well, and the more abstract/social-emotional goals are falling behind... I think I've maintained status quot with Dave. Being tired and sick (me = tired, occasionally sick, Peter and Dave = sick, also tired from time to time) has given me an easy but poor excuse to not devote true quality time to marriage. I'm not saying that our marriage is not good, just that I'm not putting the work into it that I should because I've been expending energy on Peter (very justified and important) and trying to keep myself healthy and up on chores, and honestly, I've been spending time reading and watching tv that could be cut back. Mostly I write this paragraph with the intention of refocusing on being loving and being visibly/audibly thankful for Dave (because I am thankful, it's just not expressed well). I will have to reevaluate in another month or so.
Currently Dave is out of town and I'm being visited by my mom. She's with grandma right now and Peter has been taking an amazing nap, so much that we might miss story time. Time to catch up on other online stuff as long as the nap continues... I'm still used to 30-40 min naps from Peter but lately he's been throwing some 1-2 hour naps in the mix. I would love it if he would continue. The more mobile he becomes the more I will need his naps to lengthen so I can get chores done.

update 2

Wow, it's been a long time... Peter is 5 months old now and we've started giving him rice cereal. It's so exciting to me, even a highlight of my day (guess that's mommy-hood for you). He has a pretty bad cold right now that involves lots of congestion and coughing but I think it's getting better. No fever at least.

Work has been going pretty well, I'm getting a little better at knowing what to do. I had a review at the beginning of the month that went pretty well, I need need to work on taking initiative and having confidence but otherwise it sounds like they are pleased with my work.

Dave has been busy with fundraiser type events for his big Chicago trip (taking the jr. and sr. high students there over an extended weekend in April) and with pep band, girls basketball is doing pretty well.

As for my "30" list...

Accomplished: 6. Pay off our car (this was very recent and was possible because of the contract being settled at Dave's school and because of our tax refund), 19. Go out to eat sans Peter

In progress: 2. Mark b-days and communicate, 4. Eat dinner at the table (mostly going very well), 11. Meal plan (mixed results, but my cooking has been much better since January), 14. Eat veggies (getting better), 15. Read books (I'm on book 4 for the year), 17. Peter sleep schedule (he's starting to sleep through the night and stay up for longer periods during the day, I may abandon a true schedule as long as he's taking naps and going to bed between 6-8pm), 18. Drink water, 20. Visit grandma, 21. play flute (slow start but it's been fun now that I'm doing it), 27. P goes skiing... this may not happen, but I may substitute taking him around in his sled.

Seasonal (not happening yet): 3. P's b-day party, 24. mine dump cliff jump, 26. P swimming, 29. canoeing, 30. garage sale

Not accomplished: 1. P's college fund, 5. news (although sometimes I catch some on NPR), 7. increase savings, 8. week w/o technology, 9. more family time, 10. crabby control, 12. trip plans, 13. house plants, 16. will, 22. cleaning, 23. file cabinet, 25. Dave love, 28. oreo cake (this is coming up soon, I have all of the ingredients - including ones that will expire within a week).

update

Since I wrote my list of 30 things to do I have gotten a tiny bit of a start on some of the things and not started others. Shortly after my birthday both Dave and I got sick with a stomach bug/flu. I used it as an excuse for not starting some of the things, like playing flute (still haven't) and cleaning. I have started making meal plans and have been eating healthier (getting that extra serving of vegetables). I started work again and Dave's teacher union and the school board finally settled last April's contract so we should be doing a little better financially... doesn't mean we'll pay off the car, but maybe we can get close to meeting my savings goal. I wrote down people's birthdays on my calendar and we've been pretty good about sitting down to dinner together. Peter's not always on board with sitting down to dinner. Lately he seems to want to sit upright and many of his contraptions have him laying back. I read one baby book (about babies, not a book for babies, I've read several stories to Peter). Some of the items are seasonal but I need to keep the cross-country skiing one in mind since there will probably only be a few days where it will be warm and cold enough for that.

I'm probably most disappointed about eating at the fancy Italian place. Dave and I will still be going out to eat this Tuesday, but I just found out that the Italian place closed. Apparently it was very expensive and not enough people were eating there but it's mostly depressing because my parents had given us a spendy gift certificate for that restaurant. I will have to look into whether there is any reimbursement, I guess we should have just hauled Peter along and gone before January when they closed.

warning: dead animal pictures

Last weekend we celebrated new year's in Duluth with friends. On Sunday Dave commented on how much snow was on the roof and how he should shovel, but he could feel sickness coming on (I was sick already) and didn't want to strain himself and make it worse. At 2:15am on Monday (one of Peter's feedings) I heard a loud crack above me and envisioned Peter buried alive in an avalanche. Apparently the loud noise was just the house shifting because of the extreme cold (it was -23º F at 9am that day), but I didn't want to take chances so on Tuesday I decided to take on the roof snow. Dave stayed home sick as a dog that day so every time I put Peter down for a nap I went out knowing he could grab him or call for me if Peter needed something.

I knew it would be a big job, but I wasn't prepared for how much snow I would be moving. I figured with Dave home and multiple chances to get out there I would have the whole thing done no problem. Pictured here is my handiwork...














And here is a shot of just how deep that snow was, along with a shovel for perspective (though the shovel is lying at an angle, I would say it was deeper than knee-high).







So that was about a couple hours of work, oh, what? There's still another side to the roof and the entire garage?! Sigh.
I don't remember if I wrote about our flying squirrels or not. This summer we discovered that flying squirrels were camping out in the roof over the porch. On Tuesday while shoveling I saw one scurry up a tree and glide down to another. I found this very strange since they are nocturnal and I believe they hibernate, but I guess my stomping around up there scared it. Not only that but as I got to the end of the roof to check out their little burrow hole...

I looked over the edge and saw something in the snow...


was that? yep, frozen stiff...














So after about 3-4 hours of shoveling I cleared off the house, but not the garage. Wednesday, my birthday, I was sore, my back, shoulders, left forearm, and even my hands ached. Today I decided to take it easy and only take care of the mess I made in front of our front door.





To do this took 40 minutes so I treated myself to a nap and later on a bath, foot scrub, and leg shave (Dave noticed my cave woman look the other day so I decided it was time). Now I just need to tackle the mountain of dishes and wash Peter's diapers. Notice the nice breath frost all over my hair.

Oh, and it was Peter's 3 month birthday on Tuesday!

First day back

I had my first day back at work since Peter was born. It went well. I need to get up a little earlier since everything takes me forever even though my outfit, lunch, pump, Peter's bag, and Peter's bottles were all ready. I had assumed that he would sleep in, but he just snoozed for the majority of my semi-short shower and from then on I had to check on him and keep him from sliding out of his chair (he was in a sleep bag and couldn't really be buckled in). I also changed him into a real outfit for daycare and in the future may opt to leave him in a sleeper (with legs, so he can be strapped into the car seat).

I had typed a short (3 paragraph, half page, size 14 font) note about his sleeping, eating, and gooey eye and brought a photo of Dave since no one at the daycare had met him and he was picking Peter up. When I gave it to the daycare lady I told her my excuse was that I was a first-time mom and that I knew that she probably already knew it all - she was very gracious and even gave me a hug when I left.

Peter fell asleep in the last couple minutes of our ride to the daycare so he was asleep for the transition and I felt guilty that he would be waking up to strange faces. I was pretty teary (not officially crying) on the way to work and then again once when a co-worker asked me how I was doing (still early - I hadn't clocked in yet). I think I did pretty well though. My mantra as I drove was, "he will be fine, everything is fine." The thing is that I really did believe he would be fine physically, and psychologically (at least in the long run). I just felt sad that we wouldn't be together for about 9 hours after never being apart for more than 4 hours, and was worried he would be upset about all the strangers.

Once I got to working things went really well. I enjoyed filing again and talking to adults. I almost forgot about all of the work drama, it got a little awkward at times, but I'm still glad to be back. It sounds like I get to do inventory now. Unfortunately I don't think I get to go back to pharmacy (at least not now) but I have to admit that I'm excited to not be solely on the sales floor. I was pretty antsy to get going the last 30 minutes and of course the HR lady started talking to me right about when I wanted to sign out for the day but I still got home in time to feed Peter.

I think his day may have been semi-rough even though no one's said anything about it. The skin around his eye was a little pink and he seemed really tired when I got home. The daycare lady also suggested to Dave that we send a blanket with, not for warmth, but because it would smell like home. Her house has a distinct smell of dryer sheets so I'm wondering if that would over-power the home smell but it's worth a try. Peter only drank about 13-14 ounces and seems pretty hungry tonight. I sent almost 20 ounces with him so it's a shame to throw the extra out, but it's thawed and unusable.

Dave's sick and Peter and I are recovering. Dave is planning to call in sick tomorrow if he doesn't feel any better, he's already in bed and it's only 8pm. If he stays home I can shovel the roof and get a bunch of laundry done... not that I want him to be sick. Hopefully Peter starts to eat and sleep better at daycare. the end :)

30 things to do before I turn 30

I'll be turning 29 in a few days and stole this idea from another friend, though she has more time to get her goals done and hers were more fun/intriguing. Some of my goals are easy and some may not actually be accomplished, but I figured they were at least a little more likely to if I wrote them down.

1. Talk to a "financial person" and start Peter's college fund
2. Mark down birthdays on my calendar and at least acknowledge each person
3. Plan a 1st birthday party for Peter (even if it's not big)
4. Eat dinner at the dining room table as a family every night it's possible (= no tv, no pep band)
5. Read or listen to news once a week (it's a start, I'm pretty bad)
6. Pay off our car
7. Increase our savings by 10%
8. Go one full week without the computer, internet, netflix, tv
9. Start more family times (Sunday evening games?)
10. Be less crabby... I will have to work on what this will look like (Dave notices, I express myself in better/calmer ways, I don't use any swear words, etc.)
11. Make a meal plan each week
12. Have an outline for future trips to the coasts and how to finance them
13. Acquire more house plants and don't let them die
14. Eat one more serving of vegetables every day
15. Read at least 12 books
16. Have a will written
17. Get Peter on some type of sleep schedule
18. Drink enough water each day
19. Go out to eat at that fancy Italian place while grandma babysits
20. Visit my grandma more often
21. Play flute twice a week
22. Stick to a cleaning schedule
23. Organize my file cabinet
24. Jump off that cliff at the mine dump
25. Tell Dave that I love him more often
26. Take Peter swimming
27. Take Peter cross-country skiing
28. Make an oreo cake
29. Go canoeing
30. Have a garage sale

stolen from Becky...

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before? Had a baby

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I've almost never made a New Year's resolution, but I would like to tone my abs and eat healthier

3. Did anyone close to you have a child? Yes, 3 of our friends, Dave's brother, and 2 of my cousins had babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, my grandma Vivian died the day after Peter was born.

5. Where did you travel? Duluth, Ogilvie, Twin Cities, New Prague, Oslo, Norway, and London, England (I had layovers in Philadelphia, Amsterdam, and Germany but I don't really count those).

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? Better meal planning and a healthier diet, I didn't lack that but it needed improvement. Also a nice tax refund, especially since we had to pay in last year.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory? October 4th (Peter) and October 5th (Vivian)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Maintaining a healthy pregnancy and giving birth were very big to me, and of course the outcome of a healthy baby. Doing it without drugs was also a major feat, I didn't believe I could do it until it was over with.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not planning trips well enough (feeling like I was always cutting someone short on time) and keeping in contact with people.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I did very well I think. Some stitches after birth and a cold later on, but nothing worth complaining about.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Tickets to Oslo and London, it was a fun trip.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? There were a lot of people, basically all of our friends and family who have supported the pregnancy and/or Peter in some way, from gifts to advice, to food it's been really nice.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I have to admit that I was disappointed at times in some of my coworkers, but I don't know if I would go as far as saying appalled and depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go? Health insurance. My "fun" money went toward my trip and toward regular expenses in the last few months.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I got excited about being pregnant, then about my trip, then about swimming this summer, then about Peter, and finally about Christmas.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? I guess "California Gurls" by Katy Perry, just because I feel like I heard it a lot and the music video sticks in my head.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? Happier, fatter (barely), poorer (at least as far as our checking account goes).

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Relaxed and made meal plans. I really wish I had relaxed on Christmas eve.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? I wish I'd wasted less time watching tv, especially before Peter was born.

20. How did you spend Christmas? On the eve we stayed home and spent time with my family, though I ran around trying to pack that evening and did a lot of laundry, on Christmas we went down to the cities to see Dave's family, we saw my dad on the 26th, and a bunch of friends on the 27th.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010? Yes :)

22. What was your favorite TV program? Bones and Glee

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't hate anyone so no.

24. What was the best book you read? I didn't read many books, I was grateful for the week by week pregnancy book.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? I don't think I really had one, or I just can't remember right now.

26. What did you want and get? A baby.

27. What did you want and not get? This is sort of a strange answer, but I wanted to go canoeing and never did.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? I liked Inception. I can't remember everything we saw. We went to Harry Potter post baby, that was a semi-big deal (leaving the house without baby).

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I think I wrote about this and how it was a bad day because I got so stressed at work but Dave made things better and took me out. I turned 28 but it was at the beginning of the year. Things seem a lot different this year. I was also thinking about how my first Christmas would have been close to my first birthday and how Peter was so young for his.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurable more satisfying? Time? I almost want to say working part-time... only because I'd like to think I could get more done and see more people.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? It changed quite a bit, from sweaters, to maternity wear, to sweatpants and nursing tanks.

32. What kept you sane? Talking to Dave, my mom, my dad, talking to anyone with a new baby.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I always like to see what Natalie Portman is up to.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Probably the health insurance stuff - but I've been really bad about keeping up with the news and politics.

35. Who did you miss? I miss just about everyone who comes to visit and then leaves. I don't mind travel, I just wish I could stay longer when I visit.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Peter, sometimes I still can't believe that Dave and I made a new person on this earth. It was awesome getting to meet the other new babies too, but every morning (and night feedings) I feel like I am meeting Peter again.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. Cherish each moment you can because you never really get to live them again.

Oasis

Not the band - I just came to an oasis of sleep. I was expecting another rotten night since Peter slept until after 11 in the morning yesterday, but due to never taking more than a 40 minute nap after the late morning he went down at 11pm and didn't wake until 5am; cue hallelujah chorus. I thought it would mean an earlier day today but so far he has mostly been sleeping and it's almost 1pm. I should mention that he is sick with his first cold. I keep suctioning his nose, he's pretty good with it, he fidgets at first but often after the first suck he will hold still and let me do it.

The sun has come out, I wish I could bring Peter out, but it's 12 degrees and he's sick. I'll have to ask the doctor what his opinion is on bringing Peter out in the winter, I would like to do it, maybe I'll look into infant ski masks.

I keep feeling like I need to try to talk about something other than Peter but honestly it's hard for me to come up with much else. It's what I do now. I am going back to work 3 days a week in January and have found 2 daycares (I am only planning on using one of them, the other is a center so I could always go there if something doesn't work out with the first one). I am not looking forward to leaving Peter at daycare but I also think that it's important for me to see other adults. Dave has had quite a few late nights in the last few weeks because of pep band, orchestra, band boosters, and getting ready for holiday concerts so I've felt a little isolated. Also, we are going to be hurting for money soon if I don't make some. Each month I divide up our extra money between Dave, Peter, savings, and myself. That extra money is our "fun" money but this last month I had to subtract from Dave and my fun money (I never take from Peter or savings) since we spent more than we made. I didn't make any money over my maternity leave because I used up my 27 hours of PTO on my trip last spring. I should actually have a lot more PTO this year because I worked almost 6 months more in 2010 than 2009 and that is what our time off is based on.

----

Peter woke up and I've been playing with him for the last hour, now we're watching SNL on Hulu while Peter practices batting at objects so I guess it's time to go.

vanity leads to sleeplessness

So this is my story from last night after I put Peter in the bjorn carrier -

I walk around a little bit and then start doing dishes (he wants me on my feet!). I sway back and forth, especially for the last few dishes and he falls asleep. I take him out of the carrier and place him in the bassinet so that I can get his diaper stuff ready for the final bedtime change, assuming that he will immediately wake up. As I do this I realize that he is totally passed out, dead to the world, not moving so I decide to get ready for bed. I brush my teeth, wash my face, take my vitamin, and then I do the unthinkable... I start to tweeze my eyebrows. I swear God is punishing me for being vain because the first errant hair I pluck I hear a noise. I'm hoping that I imagined it, after all he's not crying, but sure enough as I continue with the beauty ritual I start to hear more of the little noises. I finish up and walk out to the bassinet. Peter is wide-eyed, waving his arms as if to say, "Look mom! I fooled you, I was just kidding and I'm going to stay up for hours!"

Luckily for me he fell asleep moderately quickly after the diaper and another feeding, only to wake up half an hour later for the rest of his late night snack.

hotline for desperate mothers

The last couple of nights (and it's looking like tonight also) Peter has been staying up late, later than the usual 11 or midnight - until almost 1:30am. He then sleeps for 4-6 hours so it's not the end of the world, but at midnight I start feeling a little crazy. Last night I contemplated whether taking him outside would make him sleepy (don't worry, I didn't take him out into the tundra) and also wondered if there were any hotlines to keep mothers sane. It seemed like a good idea maybe I will have to google it.

Tonight I'm trying walking him around in the baby bjorn carrier. I swear he's been the most frenzied awake at this time of night. He always seems hungry but also spits up a lot so he could be over-eating a little.

I'm trying to switch him over to sleeping in his crib. It hasn't been an issue except that neither of our baby monitors are working and Dave needs a fan running for white noise at night (I can't hear as well with it on) so I dragged up a twin bed and have been sleeping in Peter's room. I need to figure out this monitor issue. I'm not sure if they are actually too close together (really my bedside and his bedside are only about 15 feet apart (if that) separated by a wall. We were using an old monitor (from the eighties) but the other night it started making really loud static sounds randomly so we bought a new monitor for $28 which looked to be on the cheap side even though I thought it should be cheaper. That monitor is constantly making a loud static sound and it's very difficult to hear Peter. I tried moving both sides of the monitor to the living room and it seemed to work so I will try to experiment more tomorrow.

dreary post

I thought I had a bunch of things to say but now that I sit down to write I can't really think of them. I have an idea, but it's mostly just a list. That may be because my days are generally centered around Peter, and then there's a list I look at every day to make sure I'm getting some of the major things done such as letting the ferret out, getting the mail, dishes, showering, etc.

I started charting when Peter eats and sleeps so that I can more easily recognize patterns. So far the patterns are only fairly consistent. Currently Peter is going on two hours of awake time (he almost never goes more than 3 in a row). I think he's over-tired because not much is making him happy.

I really wanted to at least finish carving the pumpkin. I never did it before Halloween but I figured it's still good so I might as well do it now. I think it's going on three days of being worked on and I haven't even made any design.

One of the last times my mom visited she commented on my "mommy look." I said that it was easy for me to get the mommy look because I didn't care enough about the way I looked before I had a baby so now I was really letting things go - mainly my hair not being "fixed." My bangs were getting too long so the other day I trimmed them myself. That was sort of a mistake since they turned out pretty crooked, but I adjusted them so it's not as noticeable and they're out of my eyes so I'm happy.

I was invited to my work holiday party and need to figure out soon if I am going to go or not. I wanted to go but it sounds like I shouldn't be bringing baby with so now I'm weighing what I care about more, plus now it sounds like I have a friend coming to visit that weekend, so I guess I would have to find a babysitter and move the friend's visit. It's looking like I might not go.

There's snow on the ground here and it's been pretty cloudy and dreary, I wouldn't mind some sun tomorrow, or maybe just some continuous naps from Peter so I can actually clean.

awake

I don't have much to say, I just realized that for all my complaining about Peter not sleeping all of the pics on here show him asleep. Here is awake Peter...
Last night he was up until about midnight, woke up at 2, 4, and 7:30. I'm starting to think he just has a hard time falling into a deep sleep.

time to get out the slingshot

My little angel :)
Peter is already one month old, he has his doctor's appointment tomorrow. On the 3rd he rolled from his tummy onto his back though after talking to some friends it sounds like it could be a fluke and it may still be a couple months before he can do it on a regular basis. I was so excited, I cheered him on and then when he actually rolled over I ended up crying about it because it makes me sad that he's growing up (and I'm a little sleep deprived, and I maybe have a touch of the baby blues). The day before he went to the polls with us (though he was passed out the whole time).

Overall I would say things are going well with moments of frustration and sleepiness. Last night Peter stayed up until midnight and still woke up at 1am and 4am. I took a late morning nap and was starting to drift off when I heard the evil woodpecker start knocking on the house. I think I noticed it on Monday or Tuesday... there's a small woodpecker that pecks on our house. We have this weird chip-board type siding, it looks like cardboard below the wood type exterior. There are two areas that the woodpecker likes to attack. It's frustrating because at first it seemed like I had a hard time scaring it off with noise, but every time I tried to get a photo of it the bird would fly far away. Here's the best I could do - the bird is just to the right of the center of the picture and I it might be visible if you click on the photo.

longest night so far

Yesterday Dave had a band concert so my mom (who's up visiting) and I packed up Peter and took him to see the students and hear the concert. Peter slept the entire time... I knew this could be bad news for his sleep but I was not prepared for him to be awake from 1:30am until 5:15am. Rough. I am starting to suspect that he had some major issues with the spicy Thai noodles that I had for dinner. Originally I thought I would eat what I wanted while nursing, but I can see that I may need to amend that. I think Peter can handle most stuff (garlic, chocolate) in regular amounts but in the future I think I will steer clear of foods that bring tears to my eyes and make my nose run. It's definitely not worth the pain of sleeplessness and a screaming infant. The good news was that due to a power outage, Dave did not have school today so we were both able to take good naps.

Grandma (& baby stuff)

Peter has been pretty great. I love his eyelashes, I swear they keep growing. He's started to have a major awake time in the morning and again in the afternoon and he has been feeding so much better at night. This means that instead of a few swallows of milk and conking out only to wake 20 minutes later he is actually taking in a full meal and sleeping 2-4 hours afterward.

I've slowly been getting the hang of getting things done mixed with napping. By getting things done I include tiny things such as getting the mail and taking a shower, but occasionally I get something else in like laundry or dishes. I still haven't cooked any serious meals (fried eggs isn't too serious).

I'm trying to work on tummy time with Peter, he likes it for a few minutes and then it becomes hard work.

Dave went back to school on Tuesday. He had pep band afterward too but at least it's a very short week for him, MEA is on Thursday and Friday so it's only a two day week for him.

I have brought Peter out 3 times now, twice to the clinic and then to my workplace (to see people and to get a breast pump), and also to Target. I didn't think a lot of it, but after reading some things online I'm starting to feel a little guilty that I could be exposing him to germs that he can't handle yet. No sickness yet, but maybe I'll hold off a little before we go out again. We also make the short trip to the mailbox and back so he's not being totally sheltered.

One thing I haven't addressed is that my grandmother passed away the morning after Peter was born (October 5th). I was so happy about Peter that it was difficult to reconcile my feelings... I will miss my grandma but mostly I feel remorse for my grandpa. They started dating when they were still young high schoolers and went to 3 or 4 proms together (they were a year apart), basically they have been together for the vast majority of their lives and it will be a difficult transition. Her death was not a huge shock because her health was failing and her memory was also getting worse, a result of several strokes. She was an extremely nice person and was constantly giving out compliments. Always warm and welcoming, she will be missed by everyone. My thoughts and prayers are with my grandpa.

Birth Story

My due date was October 3rd but it came and went with no real signs of labor, I wasn't very surprised, I expected to be late and I was sure I'd make it to my 40 week appointment on Wednesday the 6th. After midnight (so October 4th) I started to toss and turn. I had actually been sleeping pretty well up to this point but figured I was having some sort of stomach issues. I was awake from about 2:30-3:30am and then fell asleep again until around 6 when Dave was getting ready for work. I told him I was feeling funny, a little crampy and called my mom to find out what she thought. We decided that Dave should go to work and I would call if stuff was really happening.
I got up and in addition to getting ready for work I got any last items I wanted to bring to the hospital packed, and took care of the animals food and water. At work people were moderately surprised to see me since it was over my due date, I didn't say anything about starting contractions but I started writing down times as I filed. By 10am I was starting to show a pattern and a few of the contractions were painful. I texted Dave that he could for sure get a substitute teacher for Tuesday. I got up to get water at 11am and had a couple even stronger contractions. I would stand up for them trying to relieve some of the pain but it didn't really seem to help. After conferring over text a bit more with my mom I decided to go home at lunch (about 1pm). I told a few people at work, including my boss and got well wishes. I drove myself home and experienced 2 or 3 contractions (bearable, didn't affect my driving) on the way.
At home I tried to rest but between the pain and excitement I gave up on that quickly and got into the bathtub instead. The warm water felt good but did not seem to make the contractions feel any better. The contractions were now between 2 and 6 minutes apart and getting more regular. At 2:30 I called Dave at work and asked him to come home immediately after the students left (3:20) rather than staying after like teachers usually do. He asked if he should be leaving right then but I told him to go ahead and finish out the day, I also asked him to stop and get some treats for the nurses on his way home. Dave called me when he was on his way home and while on the phone with him my contractions started coming every 1-3 minutes. This distressed him some but I convinced him that it was fine and he should still pick up nurse treats, that I would get the last minute stuff (a change of clothes for him and his shaver) ready so we could leave the minute he showed up, I also tried to convince him not to speed (he comes home on a highway so it's easy to do). It seemed to take me forever to do anything because I would stop with each contraction.
Dave showed up and I made my way to the car. The ride to the hospital was pretty short but I was not pleased with any little bumps or sharp turns on the way. On our way to labor and delivery I had to stop a couple of times for contractions. I went up to the admit desk (about 5pm) and told them I thought I was in labor so they brought me to a room and checked me - I was 6cm dilated, this made me very happy. There was no way they would send me home (part of the reason I stayed home so long is because I dreaded being told I had to go back), and I wouldn't be in labor for days. They put in an IV (just the port, I wasn't given fluids or anything), took my blood pressure, and hooked up the monitors (two round plastic things that were loosely belted around my abdomen to monitor the baby's heart rate and contractions). They asked me about pain meds (I had a birth plan but never even ended up taking it out of the suitcase) and I told them I didn't want to be offered medication but that I might ask for it later. I also asked if there was anything that wasn't an epidural or intrathecal. She told me about nubain, a drug that would be administered by IV and would take the edge off the contractions. I decided to keep this in mind for later. She ran the tub water for me (they had a great jacuzzi-looking tub) and I sat in there for about an hour. They checked me again at 7pm and I was disappointed to learn that I was still at 6cm. I told Dave to find the camera so we could get early pictures of the baby and it was no where to be found. I was a little freaked out and made Dave go back to the car to look for it. I started thinking of neighbors I could call to break into the house and drive the camera over, luckily Dave came back with the camera, it had fallen under the car seat. I was getting very sleepy and occasionally drifted off between contractions. Once they started getting harder and closer together I began to kneel upright on the bed for them. It felt a tiny bit better than being on my back and the gravity must have been a huge help because when they checked me again at 8pm and I was 9cm. At this point they made me lie down and let me turn on my side for the contractions, I'm still not fully clear on whether or not I had back labor. My back ached quite a bit during contractions, but Peter was facing down (normal and usually not a cause of back labor). Poor Dave tried pushing on my back for counter pressure but I was so incredibly picky about exactly where it was applied and how much pressure that I only had him try it a couple of times and the rest of the time attempted to apply pressure myself. Sometime between 8 and 9pm I asked about trying the nubain, but I was too far along and it could go to Peter too. I thought to myself, "great, this is exactly what you wanted." I thought it both sarcastically and seriously because it was what I wanted, a natural childbirth, but I was also starting to have a lot of pain so I was a little disappointed.
At 9pm they broke my water (no pain at all but it felt like I had wet myself - a lot) and the doctor told me that very soon I could start pushing and it would probably feel better. "Really???" I said. I think they found that mildly amusing, but he was right, it did feel better to push, as long as I pushed through the entire contraction. The nurse told me to (at the beginning of each contraction) take a deep breath in, let it out, take another deep breath, hold it and push. I always knew when the contractions began, but since the pushing helped I didn't know when they ended... unless I stopped pushing too soon, and then the back pain was pretty awful so I learned to push beyond when I thought I was done. Soon Dave and the nurse used their hands as stir-ups for my feet when I would have a contraction. They could get me in a better position that way but it must have been a lot of work because even I was starting to get Charlie horses.
Sometime around 11 the baby was getting really close, and the pushing started to get painful, this is when I started to get pretty loud screaming and moaning. I definitely wasn't thinking about much and didn't care about the screaming. I think the baby was crowning close to 11:15pm and the screaming turned primordial. The doctor at one point told me that the pain was not going to go away, it would continue to burn and then I started to dry sob and they gave me some oxygen. The sobbing was mostly a response to the fact that I wasn't going to escape the pain and I was probably a little panicked. Finally he was born (I believe that part was pretty fast- under 2 minutes). They placed him on me, I thought he was huge. It seemed like they had to suction him for a long time so again I was a little panicky and asked if he was alright (he was). Dave cut the umbilical cord and they gave me a shot of Pitocin to help deliver the placenta, that took about half an hour. I got a few stitches afterward and they asked us if we had a name. We didn't because we had never made a final decision on a boy name. I had Dave get out the list of names and read them to me. We had one that we both liked the most - Peter, and we chose Dave's grandfather's name as his middle name, Frederic.
That's pretty much it. I'm glad it went the way it did, I don't know what I'll do next time... if I'll try the nubain or not, but overall the last bit of pushing was the only unbearable part (when he was crowning). I'm still glad that I didn't find out his gender because it was an added surprise at the end of delivery.

Peter!

I will write a real (more formal) post, but for now I just wanted to write about the first major mishap of the day.

I should start out by announcing that I gave birth to Peter Frederic on October 4th at 11:41pm. He was 8lb 0.6oz and 21 inches long. We (of course) think he's perfect. Everyone is doing well, tired, but very well. Dave still gets another week off of work which is great.

I am nursing Peter and have found that I leak a decent amount while feeding so I figured I might as well start saving some of that milk and got out one of the storage containers. After 5 hours of on and off feedings I almost had a full ounce (I know it doesn't sound like much but it took a while to collect and was fairly awkward to do) and was about to put it in the freezer when Peter suddenly jerked and I dumped the whole thing all over the bed (which I had washed the sheets the day before). That was bad enough but then a familiar warm flow made it's way out of the top of his diaper, over my belly onto the bed while he simultaneously spit up on the other side of my belly and the bed. Oh the joys! I was able to laugh about it though because really it was funny and I was sort of just waiting to see if he would have a diaper blow out to finish the job but no such luck.

Even though it's work I really enjoy spending time with Peter so it doesn't feel like work (other than when I'm unsuccessful at burping and he's screaming his head off... but really that's the only real frustration so far).